As my partner and I discussed the wearing and not wearing of facial coverings to protect ourselves and one another from developing COVID-19 disease, a comment that came up was “People think it’s just going to go away.”
This phrase slapped me in the face, metaphorically speaking. I realized that I have lived this experience, and maybe, just maybe, I can understand where this thought comes from.
It is a little-known fact that I have a special skill of almost dying. It happens every few years with my myriad of autoimmune diseases. The first time I almost died, I had undiagnosed Type 1 Diabetes. I got sicker and sicker, and no one knew why. Finally, I heard an inner part of myself scream that I was dying. So, we went to the hospital, and in fact, I was dying. I had an extremely high blood sugar. My body had cannibalized itself so that I might survive a bit longer, which led to a type of poisoning that was quickly killing me, and I was near heart failure.
Afterward the doctors patched me up the best they could and sent me home, even though they really couldn’t stabilize my blood sugar or heart rate. We all decided that I would heal better at home. And I did.
At my first outpatient endocrinologist appointment, my well-meaning doctor assured me that there would be a cure in 5 years. And I thought, “Well, I can do this for five years.” And then I met other people with Type 1 Diabetes, and they explained that their doctors had told them the same thing, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, etc. This news was greatly dismaying.
Our culture, or I should say White American culture, clings to false hope. Our culture operates out of a deep falsely protective place of denial. Denial of our own reality and denial of others. If the doctor had simply told me, “I’m sorry. This is going to be hard. You will have it for the rest of your life, and you will learn to deal with it. Hey, and I’ll be here to help you,” then I would have had a quicker acceptance.
It didn’t help that my family and friends were in denial as well, not just in regard to my diabetes, but also with my other autoimmune disorders. I have been told more often than I can remember that a certain food, exercise, experimental procedure, etc. will cure me. As of yet, I remain resistant to all attempts at curing.
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If you’ve made it this far in my story, you may be starting to draw some parallels between the way people with chronic illness are treated, the pervasive nature of denial, and how this affects our decisions to wear or not wear masks.
Denial is one way to avoid the horror, the fear, the anger, or whatever you might be feeling about the cornonavirus. You may tell yourself, “I’m not at risk.” “I can’t catch it if I do this one time.” “It’s all going to be fine.” Or “They’re crazy, “They’re over-reacting.” Unlike Type 1 Diabetes, there may actually be a preventative measure (Vaccine) for coronoavirus within a year. And much like diabetes, that will help everyone who has not already contracted the virus. But it will be of little consolation for those who have had the virus and are living with its complications.
Until there is a cure, we can take simple steps to prevent transmission. Denial is not really a protection against anything. Denial becomes your tormenter, becomes your abuser, drives you to take risks, separates you from your feelings and your ability to care about others. We don’t have years to work on our collective denial. If we cannot shed denial, then we shall be lemmings following one another, and jumping off the cliff together.
But I believe in radical and transformative change. I believe this change can happen quickly. We need to find the right combination to ignite our flames of change and shine the light for tomorrow. It can start with the recognition of denial and its friend emotional numbing.
